Puppy Love
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: Bob always loved his job. Being a kindergarten teacher filled him with joy and sense of purpose. / Spideypool kindergarten AU


Bob always loved his job. Being a kindergarten teacher filled him with joy and sense of purpose. He loved children, mostly because they were the only humans that didn't scare the shit out of him. Oops, what an inappropriate language. Apologies.

That being said, Bob always loved his job. Until one Wade Wilson got under his care. Bob wouldn't like to say he started fearing for his life since he met the six year old, but he really did. Little Wade was a hurricane, a destructive force sweeping everything on its path. Ever since Wade's transfer, Bob have been threatened, blackmailed, injured and publicly humiliated.

But Bob was nothing if not patient. He was sure he was able to make Wade love him, or at least not want to kill him. All the evidence was to the contrary, but Bob didn't lose faith. He quietly took everything from Wade, be it a fit of rage, an insult, a hurtful laughter. He observed, patiently, silently; he waited. And his silent prayers must have been heard and his salvation came, in the form of young Peter Parker.

Turn out, that most of Wade's antics were to impress Peter. Bob was torn between being outraged and delighted. Because really, couldn't Wade think of a better way? Like baking? But honestly it was one of the cutest things imaginable. Peter was a kind and lovely child, he got along with almost everyone, and he was so smart Bob was awestruck most of the time. At least Wade had good taste in people, if not with the methods of befriending them. But Bob would help him with that too.

"You know, Wade…" he started tentatively one morning when Wade was side-eyeing Peter, who was currently playing house with Mary Jane Watson. "Maybe you should just talk to him instead of stuffing lego into my nose and hoping he will find it as funny as you do."

Wade looked at him, eyes wide and filled with silent terror, mouth agape.

"Now, don't get mad, and don't try to give me concussion so I forget what I know."

"I'm not gonna give you confusion I'm gonna hit you hard in the head," Wade growled and Bob chuckled. "You think I'm joking you big sissy?"

"Oh no, I know exactly how serious you are, but so am I. If you would just listen to me, we could figure a way to make Peter like you without hitting anyone."

"But I like hitting people."

"But are you sure Peter likes it when you hit people?"

Wade closed his mouth and furrowed his brows in confusion. It was as adorable as it was frightening that this kid actually thought violence was appealing to everyone. After a while of giving Bob's offer some serious thought, Wade nodded begrudgingly and spat on his palm, holding it out for Bob to shake it. Bob hoped his smile didn't look as forced as it really was.

"So what do I do to make him like me," Wade mumbled into his sleeve as he wiped his nose with it.

"This is just an idea but maybe try, I don't know… talking to him? I don't think I have ever seen you two talk."

An embarrassed blush crept on Wade's cheeks and Bob almost squealed. "He's always with someone…"

Bob wanted to cry, he really did. He wanted to say, _I can relate my little buddy, I really can,_ but he didn't want to lose the authority. "Well, how about the next time you work in groups, I'll ask Peter to work with you and Lester? Lester is harmless, isn't he?" He knew Lester was everything but harmless, but in Wade's terms he didn't pose any threat; he was more interested in eating his own snot than befriending Peter Parker.

"You would do that for me?!" Wade asked, unusually excited.

"If you promise not to bully me anymore. Do we have deal?"

"Yes, once Peter is my wife I won't have anytime for you anyway!" Wade assured him and run off to Lester, probably to manipulate him into agreeing to their masterplan.

Bob laughed softly, careful for his chuckle not to turn into a relieved sob. Wait, _wife? _Not that Bob thought there was anything wrong with that, but they were only six! Ah, they grew up so fast…

Satisfied with his accomplishment, Bob gathered the children and announced group work. Everything was going smoothly, Lester even asked permission to go to the bathroom. Bob was enjoying the long-forgotten peace and quiet, content with the prospect of ending the little war between him and Wade. He was so blissed out and lost in thought he almost didn't hear a loud crash and even louder cry. He snapped his eyes open and saw Peter lying on the floor - Wade above him, trying to do things Bob didn't want to think about - crying his lungs out and pawing at Wade's face.

_Oh Almighty Thor, have mercy on him…_


End file.
